Fighting reflections

As I had cause to stop and wait, I observed a bird over a couple of days that was constantly attacking its reflection.

It frequently flew up to the reflective window or tried to attack it from above. It would spend time squawking at its reflection and was persistent in trying to get either above or behind the bird in the window, which usually meant slamming itself into the window at each time. This ‘other bird’ was a big part of this bird’s life, taking up a fair bit of its time and energy.

I wanted to explain to the bird that there was no enemy. Its nemesis did not exist. It would never defeat the ‘other bird’ and could injure itself by trying to do so. It should stop wasting it’s time and energy on this non-existent enemy, putting its energy to more a productive use.

How often is our time and energy misdirected to other people or situations that may not be justified? How often do we fight the reflections in front of us rather than try to understand the cause of a situation? How often do we base our understanding of a situation on prejudices informed by events of the past. 

That the bird’s situation is caused by its reflection makes it even more relevant to us, as more often than not the ‘other’ we are fighting is often far more influenced by us than we realize. Without the bird having the opportunity to speak we cannot determine its motives, feelings or emotions as it was at war with this ‘other bird’. But was this a case of transference or projection occurring?

Just as the bird was far from neutral, it was after all its own reflection it was fighting, it is usually our actions and even our mere presence that exacerbate any situation. But more importantly it is our perceptions that determine our actions. Too often we attribute our own motives or emotions on to others and can sometimes assume the worst. 

We could imagine this bird telling us that it was constantly being attacked by the other bird who is constantly trying to peck him. The other bird never tries to fly away, it just stays there relentlessly and continually taunting and attacking. We could imagine the bird arguing that it has no alternative but to defend its position.

Cognitive bias can distort our thinking. It can cause us to lose our objectivity and act irrationally just like our bird. Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE) is one of the cognitive biases where situational and environmental factors are underemphasized with more emphasis on personal or dispositional factors.  FAE is slightly different from the example of the bird in that it helps us to understand that the ‘others’ position may indeed have nothing to do with us at all, but the principle of embracing situational awareness and objectivity equally applies.

Just like the bird, we sometimes we have to realise it is not all about us or how we feel. The other bird, our nemesis, if they exist, may not have ill will against us, or even care about us as much as we think.

The best negotiators know how to manage their perceptions or emotions; they have situational awareness and know how to maintain their focus. The ability to remove yourself from the centre of a situation, to stand on the balcony and look down [i], even if only metaphorically, is an essential part of self-management. Psychometric testing and self-awareness can help us to identify and manage our triggers that may cause us to misdirect our energies.

What energies have you invested in fighting imaginary enemies which could have been directed elsewhere? What strategies have you been able to employ to remove yourself from the centre of a frenzy and restore your objectivity? It may sound simplistic but it is why strategic plans and goals are so important, so we don’t get distracted from that which is important.

I hope we can realize sooner than the bird, that our enemy can sometimes be more of a reflection than we thought.

[i] In the Adaptive Leadership framework, the leader learns to adapt through objective observation such as standing on the balcony and observing from above (Heifetz et al).